Grocery Shopping with thehubs

We drove 60 miles today to shop at a particular grocery store.

You see, we only have a few grocery stores in our area. The tornado in 2011 took out our Dillons, so we are left with Price Cutter, Aldi's, Food for Less and of course several Walmarts. But if we drive to Bella Vista near the Arkansas Border, we can buy things not available here.

Bella Vista (Jane, MO)  is near the Walmart Corporate Headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas. Bella Vista is a very small town and many Walmart Executives live there and they and their families shop at this Walmart. It's shelves are always fully stocked, it has a great selection of fresh fruits and vegetables, and assorted cheeses and breads. It is still a Walmart, but it is nothing like our local Walmart Stores. All of the carts go full speed with no crooked wheels, the vegetables are fresh, there is no trash on the parking lot, even the aisles seem wider and are never empty or unorganized.

Thehubs

"loves" 

to grocery shop.

He gets his own cart and I get mine and we meet near the checkout when we are finished. I always pick up the shampoo, laundry soap, toilet paper, and the baking supplies. This is how our conversation went today:

Me: Babe, I told you I don't want anymore Rice Krispie Treats. I can't eat anymore, I'm sick of Rice Krispie Treats, please don't buy me anymore.

Him: Well, you will eat them sometime, they last forever.

Me: Another jar of mustard, did you look in the pantry? There were at least 4 jars of mustard in there yesterday.

Him: No, we don't have (note raised voice) a pantry in Bella Vista, Arkansas. We can always use another jar of mustard. It lasts forever.

Me: More green beans, really? I don't have anymore space for green beans, I just stuffed 20 cans under our bed!

Him: They were on sale for 50 cents a can, that's a bargain! We can always take some to the kids house, they will eat them. They last forever.

Me: Oh no... not another roll of aluminum foil! I had to put the last roll under our bed, we may have to give foil to our friends for Christmas!

Him: It keeps going up in price, by this time next year, you will be glad we have some stocked up. And, it lasts forever.

I love him.

He carries in my groceries.

I will find room for more green beans,

more mustard and more aluminum foil.

And I will sneak some of them into our kids pantry...

next to the last batch he bought for them...

the last time we went to the grocery store.

The First Year - 2017

A Diary of my thoughts

as we travel along with Mom 

in this journey called

vascular dementia.

2017 wasn't a lot of fun.

Mom has dementia.

My mom will soon be 90 years old. She has lived a very active life and just recently resigned as an alderman in her small town. She was treasurer of our church, several craft organizations and our cemetery association.

Until June of last year.

We noticed her making mistakes and losing things. We began to see her exert a few episodes of frustration over something small or not important at all. She even hit a pole with her car.

Then in September she had a stroke. We have since spent several hours in the emergency room trying to understand what is happening to her and how to deal with it. From days of diarrhea, extreme high and low blood pressure to fainting and balance issues.

We are learning.

We are blessed with a truly merciful doctor whose staff are patient and so kind.  We are also blessed that we have a dear friend who has a lot of experience in this type of care and has offered to come in when needed. 

Mom will stay in her home as long as possible. She is happy there with all her memories. It is familiar to her.

continued...

Mom's Angel Cookies

My mom used to bake these cookies for us when we were kids. I have no idea where she got this recipe, it probably came from one of her friends or a family member but I have never seen this particular recipe anywhere else in my long life.  

I have been baking these cookies myself since I was about 8 years old. 

I would get up in the middle of the night and bake cookies and then go back to bed, get up and go to school.

I still love baking by myself when the house is quiet, real quiet and dark outside. The outside world comes to a stop and I am able to concentrate and enjoy myself. Nothing interrupts me, no phone calls, no television, no people. Just me, my hot cookies, and a tall glass of cold milk.

Angel Sugar Cookies

½ cup Crisco

½ cup Real Butter (1 stick) at room temperature

½ cup white sugar

½ cup dark brown sugar

Cream together with mixer in bowl about one minute on medium speed.

Add:

1 egg

Mix together for about one minute on low, just enough to get it mixed in good.

Sift together then add to wet mixture:

2 cups flour

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp cream of tartar

Mix together on low for about another minute. Then add:

1 tsp of vanilla

Chill dough for about a half hour.

Then roll into teaspoon size balls. I then dip the bottom of a small glass (shot glass worked for me) into a small bowl of water then into a small bowl of sugar. 

And press the wet/sugar coated glass bottom onto the dough ball and flatten them a little.

This will leave a wet sugary coating on top of each cookie.

Bake on parchment paper in preheated 350 degree oven for 10 minutes.

My favorite mornings

The quiet of the early morning is my favorite time of day. It is when I hear You the most. My senses are slow to wake, as they gradually form my perspective of this new day. You are present, in the sound, smell and feel of my morning.

out my window - unfiltered

I am blessed with that first sip of hot coffee, and I take in the smell, the aroma of a fresh new day reminding me of how glorious this day will be. My moves may be small, but everything I do is significant to you. I remind myself of just how loved I feel at this moment. Breathe, knowing that all is okay, all is right. All is in place as You want it to be.

I light my candle and take a few moments to remember those who are in need and hurting. I will remember their need several more times during my day and lift them up to You. I know You will comfort their pain, give them strength, heal their bodies and lift up their spirits in peace that only You can give.

out my window - unfiltered

I feed Kitty, she purrs and gives me all of her attention. Her needs are few and her morning attention to me is simple and pure. She has no expectations, she is happy in this moment, happy waiting her turn. She is excited and content.

In my window Kitty - unfiltered

I set my coffee down, turn on a small lamp and face the east. I start to move, one movement at a time, focusing on my breathing. It hurts, but I will not quit. I must do the work.  This is my journey in life and I feel grateful for a fresh new day.

I start my stretching and rotating of these painful joints. With Your guidance, I take control. I move and bend, giving the pain and stiffness to You to carry. I take deep breaths, trying not to cough, knowing you will provide. I flourish in the sunlight of your attention, and feel this warmth, this strength flowing into my body. I am strong. I am disciplined. I am committed.

out my window - unfiltered

I turn, rotate and become aware of how warm I am on this cold day. I turn again, seeing the beauty of the pink sunrise out the window. My eyes rejoice.

I bend this knee, then that knee, ever mindful of the blessing of healers dedicated to making my body all it can be. I ask You to take the pain away, to heal these bones, these muscles, this mind.

I raise my hands to the stars, imagining the blood of Your son flowing over me, to cover me, shield me, and energize me. I am forgiven. I have eternal life.

I bow, bending over, more, and even more. I feel those muscles and bones bend and stretch. I am here, as I imagine I am washing the feet of Jesus. I raise, and reach in praise of your divine almighty. I bend again, wrapping my hands around my ankles, surrendering completely. I breathe deep.

out my window - unfiltered

I reach up again, rising in complete gratitude for all the Glory I have been given, will receive, want and need. This is Your day, one You have made and I will rejoice in it.

I am ready.

I am prepared to live my best, to be happy, to be motivated, energized, and to feel all that You have for me on this day.  I declare this day with intention and purpose.


Amen.

Fibromyalgia - it sucks!

It began about 2 months ago. I began having trouble with words. I could see the word, spell the word but I just couldn't say the word, I just couldn't get the word from my brain out my mouth. It would happen from time to time, then from day to day, hour to hour then I couldn't even remember my husband's name.

I began to wake up in the middle of the night in pain. Each time I would move my muscles would freeze. My vision became blurry, my balance off, muscle spasms started when I awoke and continued for hours. My skin felt as though I had been dropped into a deep fryer.

Walking, talking, thinking, just being me, became a struggle that took all of my energy and tested my faith. I cursed it's name. I didn't want anyone to know about it. I am ashamed of what is happening to my body.

I have fibromyalgia.

Am I crazy?

Depressed?

Looking for attention?

Lazy?

I have asked myself these questions over and over. After seeing specialist after specialist I was finally diagnosed, it had a name but no treatment plan. 

So I began a journey of drugs, more drugs, less drugs, different drugs, tai chi, yoga, meditation, exercise, diets, shots, and anything else that someone recommended.

My symptoms were all over the place, unable to find a pattern or treatment plan, we just kept trying.

Then I found a drug named Cymbalta and it worked, the pain subsided, my short term memory improved greatly, my coordination also improved. I quit dropping things, tripping over curbs, bumping into furniture, I could remember people's names and where things were, I even began to sleep more than 3 hours a night. I got my life back.

Until the side effects. After two years of living a comfortable and happy life, I developed bleeding ulcers in my mouth and had to stop taking it.

Now that ugly fibromyalgia is back, full blown again, and I struggle to write, walk, and remember your name. My skin burns, my fingers, elbows and neck ache and freeze, my vision is blurred. 

My brain is in a fog that comes and goes throughout my day. The most frustrating is my loss for words, that I can see the word, spell the word but I can not say the word. Not even my husband's name.

My body is arguing,

it is in a war

with itself.

I wake up each morning in pain and have to talk myself into not giving in to it, to not letting it win, to keep moving, reaching, thinking, and living, and keep telling myself I am not crazy, that these symptoms are real, and treatable. 

Then I get on my knees and pray for a cure,

and I thank the Lord above

for another day

on this beautiful earth.

My Pet Peeves

I really, really

don't like these people. 

Yep, it's 

time for some topics that have bothered me this past week. 

I call them

Pet Peeves.

definition: something that annoys or bothers 

you very much (and usually has an easy remedy).

Yesterday these people called four times.

Here's how it went.

#1:
I am busy cutting up chicken. I quickly wash my hands and pick up the phone.
Hello.

a recorded voice says: Hello this is credit card services, this is a very important call. We want to assure you there is no problem...

Click. I hang up.
note: I listened to it all one time and quickly realized it was a sales call.  Now my trigger finger is working faster due to more practice lately. I am pretty quick at hanging up on this one.

#2:

I'm busy scrubbing the shower and I hear it ring, so I run to get the phone. I am now out of breath.
Hello.

Is Joe there?

No. There is no Joe here.

Oh, well, I meant to talk to you anyway.  How are you today? Have you ever...

No, I have not. Thank you, Goodbye.

Click
note: even though he was lying to me, I thought he was polite, so I tried to be polite back.

#3
Hello. This is a very important call regarding your student loans...

click. 
note: I don't have any student loans. I get this call at least 5 times a week. I'm pretty quick at hanging up on this one too. Hanging up quickly is now a family sport.

#4
I am cleaning Kitty's litter box and the phone rings.
Hello.

Hello Mrs. C_____ how are you today?  You have been chosen to receive this great vacation in Branson, Missouri, three days and 2 nights in our luxurious resort and four tickets of your choice  to an outstanding selection of shows. Would you like to come on down and enjoy our wonderful resort? I can even include 2 half-price meal tickets to some of the best restuarants in all of the greater Branson area. Now wouldn't that be fun?

Yes, that would be great?

Well, Mrs. C_____ this great vacation includes wonderful amenities including an indoor pool, sauna, a spa.  I can book your amazing get-a-way right now for the one time, today only, price of $289, now that is a great vacation bargain isn't it? Would you like me to go ahead and make your reservation?

No, where i syour resort?

Oh Mrs. C_____ this is a one time offer, and reservations are filling fast, may I go ahead and get your vacation started?

No, I want to know more about your resort.

Mrs. C_________, have you been to Branson before? If you have, I can offer you a friends of Branson discount and get you that 3 day and 2 night vacation booked right now for only $229.

Thank you for the info. I need to talk this over with my husband before I give you the okay.

Well, Mrs. C_______, if you can go ahead and give me the okay, I can give you an additional discount and that now makes this Branson Vacation only $189!

That's sounds like a good deal. Now where is your resort?

Mrs. C_______, we have several resorts that participate in our special deal. May I go ahead and sign you up?

Well, I would like to know more about the resort before I give you my credit card info.

Mrs. C______, now listen, you NEED a vacation and I NEED a sale. Let's make this deal at $149 and get this over with. I'm tired of messing around here. Come on!

Click.
I think he just wanted my credit card info.


THE END

Till later...

Goodbye 2022

 2022 was not my best year.

I have lots of reasons, good reasons, but that is not what this is about.

I grieved.

I broke.

I got angry.

I got VERY tired.

I broke.

I tried.

I couldn't smile.

I felt a void, major void in my world, every aspect, every moment, even when I slept.

I quit trying.

I surrendered to it. I quit trying so hard to change me.  The world had changed me. 

I expected different.

I got the same.

I accepted the changes in ME 

and

NO changes in my world.

I am setting boundaries.

Not because I lost and need to heal, but because I have changed.

I will not allow someone to put me on defense.

I will spend my time on quality time, time to grow, relax, enjoy, think, feel, rest.

I will do something new often, it will become a necessity, a need just like my vitamins.

I will enjoy baking, rock hunting, hiking, photography, kayaking, sitting in a creek.

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