Dear God - Blessings

 Dear God,

I am here to praise you for my many blessings.

I am an American. I am FREE and give my deepest respect to those who have defended FREEDOM so that I could feel this freedom to speak, write and choose that is being American. My life is a gift from conception to this current moment and I give you all the GLORY for giving this time, this breath of life in this great country.

I know in my heart, my soul you are present. I feel the Holy Spirit inside me constantly reminding me that I am a child of God and I am HIS child from conception to eternity. I know that YOU are my rock, that YOU carry my burdens for me. I know that I can sit quietly and feel your gift of the HOLY SPIRIT alive inside me. You have given me life for YOUR purpose, a purpose I may never know.  My LIFE is greater than MY world. 

Today I am asking your blessings be rained upon a dear, dear friend and relative. I am asking that she be blessed with positive energy, comfort, strength, and to start her healing process. I must also ask that for her early teen grandsons who will bury their mother next to their father in the coming days. Hearts are broken, healing is needed I pray their needs will be met and their memories bring smiles.

Today I also pray for my health, be it what it is, your blessings will get me through these next few steps. I KNOW you will be with me as I climb this next mountain. I pray and beg you to allow me to walk again without pain and am able to keep up with the other walkers. Seems I am waving everyone on by right now, I just can't keep up but I do get there. I am learning to watch others as I take the time to test each step before taking it. I am blessed to be able to be more present for each moment, for waving others on by as I take the time to feel each step forward.

As I sit here looking out my window sipping hot coffee I am feeling grateful, blessed and restful. I am listening to music and talking with God. My life has been hard, difficult and more difficulties lie ahead. But I know my life is greater than my world. That God has sent me here for HIS reason.

Thank you for my breath of life, this moment and my tomorrows.

Let's Party - Wednesday Hodge Podge

Joining up with

Wednesday Hodge Podge

Link up Party.

1.Why do you blog? Have your reasons changed over time? 

I originally built my first blog after I lost my brother to cancer. I was so confused and writing my thoughts, however random, was helpful and fun.  Then my own mind turned it into work, it had to involve better, prettier, and became a burden. So I closed it. It was Gratefull Dazee. Named after a neighbor lady named Grandma Daisy Dodson.

Life got sad, hard, and finally I broke. Our son-in-law died of cancer, our daughter stole money from us and left, then our other daughter died. My heart was broken, my desires were gone, my passion was gone, and I became very defensive. So I started this blog to help me mentally.

I have always found positive reinforcement from the blogging community. I am proud to be a part of it and I am grateful for the benefits I receive.

2. What's a typical Friday night look like at your house?

We have no pattern or routine. Before our kids died, we did, but since then it's just up to the two of us. Most Friday nights are spent at home eating dinner then watching Live PD.

When we worked we would meet up with family and friends at a local family owned bar/restaurant and eat and then have a cocktail in the bar with a few dances. That local tavern/restaurant is now closed and replaced by an Applebees.

3. Do you like donuts? Your favorite kind? How often do you treat yourself to a donut? Have you ever made homemade donuts? 

I love donuts but haven't had one in years. Now that I am an older adult... ummm, well, lets just say I avoid them because I limit my sweets. My favorite would be a Hurt's Doughnut Maple Bar topped with a pound (?) of crumbled bacon. It's a meal and goes very well with ice cold milk.

Hurt's Donuts!

4. How do you feel about shopping? Are you an online shopper? Catalog shopper? Brick and mortar shopper? Do you order groceries online or prefer to select items with your own two hands? 

I buy my pantry items online and have them delivered. I prefer to buy my produce in person but sometimes I also order it online. I really just don't shop much. We used to take day trips to the big cities and walk unusual stores and flea markets. But lately, their products are not selling and we have seen the same stuff for months. Eating out has been so expensive that we don't plan these trips often.

5. Next week's Hodgepodge finds us somehow in the month of April, which just so happens to be National Poetry Month. Sum up (or tell us something about) your month of March in the form of a limerick. You can do it!! 

March is gone. I am glad. So be it.

31 days, time changes then green shows up a bit.

Goodbye, month of dark and cold nights.

April is coming and bringing us more light!

6. Insert your own random thought here. 

I am so sad over this weeks mass shooting at the school. Something is wrong with our society. Our lack of self control and our lack of respect for human life, everyone's, scares me so much. I don't watch much television, and this week I unfollowed someone in hollyweird because she made a political statement. I loved her character and her as a person only now her platform is political. I followed her because she stayed above the politics. The comments got nasty real fast. Politics has invaded our lives to the point we don't trust each other as humans. I don't see a future for us anymore. I just see demise. I am so glad I am old.

Let's Party - Happy Homemaker Monday

Welcome, come on inside my world for a bit. 

This is a new blog and I plan to visit and post random thoughts, photos, recipes and whatever along my journey. Come on along and stay for a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll fresh from the oven. I have been visiting your blogs for several years and I enjoy every single one of them!

 ~jackiesee~

I am joining Sandra over at Family Corner Blog for her Monday Series

HAPPY HOMEMAKER MONDAY

and following her prompts posted on her Happy Homemaker posts.

I slept last night for about 3 hours.

I kept my Sjogren's meds close and managed to take them at 2am.

I went back to sleep until 5am. Total 6 hours sleep in 48+ hours.

Same symptoms that have controlled my body the past couple of weeks.

The Weather:

Cloudy, wet, muddy and gloomy. It's March in the Ozarks and that can change in the next hour. We are located along the north side of the I-44 corridor.  Storms like to split right along I-44 and the Oklahoma/Kansas border and we always seem to be located along that split.  It is cold, only 30℉ and holding there with winds blowing from the north. 

As I look outside my window:

I am sitting at my kitchen island looking out my dining room window.  I have been up a while and we had no sunrise this morning, just gray/blue skies. The Cardinals, the finches, the woodpeckers, and more are on the feeders. The pond is beautiful with an adult crane staring into the water on the east bank. Two geese are here, we love having a family move here and lay their eggs. But last years, the two geese have brought their entire neighborhoods and it's too much poo. We will be more careful if we think we have a mom, dad, and future babies. We will feed them more privately.

Right now I am:

Listening to arnell pineda on you tube, reading and writing little when I can wear my glasses without pain, waiting for thehubs to wake up and begin his day, moving and loving on all my plants. Plants are good listeners.

Thinking and pondering:

The changes in our lives these past couple of years. The change in my community. The loneliness during grief. My new boundaries. I feel like I am starting over, again, only this time I have a chain around my legs, a chain called sjogren's. Wondering if I must stand tall against myself, my own habits, and the needs of others in order to get my health back. That means strict diet, controlled environment with a serious reduction in outside stressors, fluid movements and long soft stretches throughout my day, pleasant music, no television, no news, no politics. Right now I am miserable, my wet membranes are bone dry, my hands are tingling and I can not feel anything but needles in them. But yet, I only want to eat my cold milk with 4 reeses cups for breakfast. I don;t get hungry anymore, eating means I can not breathe, have trouble swallowing. Liquid meals look pretty good to me right now.

On my bedside table:

Just the usuals, thehubs is till asleep, the room is dark.

On my TV today:

Nothing. I don't watch much television.

Listening to:

I am playing a duets playlist with great vocalists from all over and lots of different genre's.

Right now, its live duets and playing is Michael Jackson and Brittany Spears. I know not my usual artists, but they sound great doing this live version.  I love the Tony Bennett duets.

On the lunch plate:

no idea, food is not appealing right now.

On the dinner plate:

I can't plan my weeks meals by day. I use to when we worked and had a regular schedule. But being semi-retired and old, we now whenever we close out our outside day and come together in the late afternoon or evening. I deal with nausea, so some days I cook when I can and what I can and just put it in the fridge to be eaten whenever. I also cook for my Mom who is in a nursing home and needs her foods fixed her way.

I ordered mom delivery this week. She got frozen shrimp and noodles, shrimp and rice, pre-sliced fruit with different dips, grapes, cucumbers, and still has the meat patties in her freezer along with a couple of baked potatoes with cheese and broccoli.  I plan on ordering a take-out pizza, or a cheese enchilada dinner one night and having it delivered to her room. I tip high, I feel that if the delivery person is willing to go inside to her room and help her put things away, it is worth a nice tip. So far, everyone has done a nice job.

On the dinner menu this week:

I wish I had something good in mind. This week may hit and it may miss. I big pot of ham and beans (wet food) and cornbread may be on the menu.  Papas Pizza takeout Tuesday?  I have a full pantry, full freezer so we will just have to wing it this week. Maybe tomorrow I can cruise some food blogs and try to find something wet and tasty to try.

On my reading pile:

Just blogs right now. I have a book but I have struggled with my concentration so I am waiting longer to start it. I love reading Jill Eileen Smith Books about women of the Bible.

On my to-do list:

Play with  this new blog

Take more photos

Try to stay positive when my body is screaming at me.

Straighten the refrigerator freezer, and the freezer in the garage.

Does anyone else have to get out of their car outside the garage? Because the wall that the passenger door opens up to is filled with cabinets filled with stuff. The garage is thehubs territory, so I doubt that will happen this week???

Plans for the week:

Nothing. I would love a day trip somewhere but I need nothing, want nothing, and have no appetite. Sunshine and warm temperatures are wanted and needed. My fibromyalgia gets better after a day like that.

What I am creating:

Plants, I love my plants.  I love to grow them in antique quart jars of water. I just gave a 2 year old one that I added silk flowers to as a gift and it was well received. I grow plants in water better than I do in dirt.  In the Spring I take cuttings of all my tropicals and plant them in my north flower bed. They love it there and do great blessing me with babies and more babies.  Radishes are planted and up, onions are ready to be planted but it was too warm, then too wet, will try to get them in this week.

My simple pleasures:

Sleep, relaxing sleep, restful sleep. Waking up with energy. 

Looking around the house:

It needs a good wipe down. I cleaned well (all day) last Friday. I do have another give-away-pile on the guest bed that needs to go out the door and keep going. I am getting rid of my large corning ware casserole dishes. They are too heavy for my fingers, too droppable,  I am only using them once a year. Mom's jewelry box, never used, brand new, her debbie macomber books she refuses to read twice, new pajamas that are too small for her, several of her hand made table goodies but are the boldest colors imaginable. I am keeping about 20, but these 10 are colors that no one enjoys so they are moving onto a better home if I can find one. 

From the Camera:

Bible Verse - Devotional:

Heavenly Father, I come to you. Only you know how I feel. Only you know my pain.

As I come to you Father, you come to me.
Come to me and begin the healing that I so long for.
Wash me of this pain.
Cleanse me of my sin and suffering.
With your precious blood that forgives all and heals all.

Let my body work in harmony towards healing, oh merciful Lord.
May your Spirit move through my muscles, bones and joints that ache deeply.
It is a hurt that cannot be explained.
Some days I just can’t get up, I cannot move.
So weary is my soul.
Will you not look mercifully upon me Lord in these days?
Do not delay any longer, set me free.

Mobilize all my body’s natural defenses to bring me to health.
My heart, my lungs and my brain,
My blood, my organs, and all my hormones,
Set them all to work in health and harmony.
For you are a most merciful God, sovereign over all creation.
Certainly you must hear me.
Hear my cry.

https://identitylovefaith.wordpress.com/tag/prayer-for-fibromyalgia/

Night Shift Again

My morning started at 2am.

I have been experiencing terrible sinus dryness

caused by my Sjogren's.

What is Sjogren's?

I can not breathe, but yet I can breathe. 

My chest feels like it is solid metal.

My sinuses feel like they are made of hardened steel.

My eyes are dry and can't focus.

My mouth is so dry I can not swallow.

My ears are ringing loud.

I begin to panic.

A doctor explains Sjogrens

I stand on my two feet and rock back and forth,

from one foot to another.

All while telling myself to breathe and 

to count my breaths.

I take tiny drinks of water waiting until I can swallow.

I take another Pilocarpine Pill,

Squirt nasal spray into my nostrils,

eye drops into my hurting dry eyes.

I wait.

Rocking back and forth, from one foot to another.

It gets a little better.

Sjogren's sucks.

~jackiesee~

I need a sunny day with warm temperatures.

Doesn't everybody?

Parachuting 2022 - Doing it again!

Who am I?

I am busy planning my next jump.

I have to share my last one.

July 16, 2022

My 64th birthday.

I fell at 120mph, 

jumped from 10,000 feet 

and had the time of my life.

And it is almost time to do it again!

As you can see we live in farming country.

The airport is very rural, surrounded

by corn fields, cows and working cow dogs.

They have a delicious and fun

restaurant next door to the parachute school

that serves good food.

You can sit outside and eat

while watching skydivers come and go.

NO fancy designer labels here.

No fancy designer purses or shoes.

But man, what a beautiful view!

~jackiesee~

Good morning from my Mom

 I have been with drawing from my 3 years of Cymbalta. It worked great on my fibromyalgia until 2 months ago. Then the side affects became too much. So I first went to half a dose for 3 weeks, no improvements. So three days ago I quit taking it. 

I have had really bad nights of not severe chest heaviness, hard and tight throat, horrible muscle cramps and a brain fog that felt like my brain had literally put itself in park and wasn't going anywhere.

I have taken my days very slow and trying to avoid stress.

I actually had a better night last night. I didn't wake up in contorted stiff cramps, or sweat terrible, and my mind actually rested. Thank you Lord for the healing.

This morning I awoke around 8am after having a better night. I drank my first cup of coffee out of a brand new mug my cousin surprised me with yesterday. She is kind, thoughtful and funny. She loves me.

The day was going well and after being so, so sick for the past month, I was feeling blessed, grateful, and humbled.

Then I got a text from Mom.

No good morning daughter.

No how are you this morning?

Just another complaint.

About getting her bed changed.

Mom has a very complicated bed to make. She has certain blankets that go under her and certain blankets that go over her.  And a person would need a map to make it the exact way she demands it be. The aides do their best to please her but she refuses to be grateful or even helpful.  She lets them make it as best they can, then she complains for 2 days that it isn't made right. She talks terrible about the help, the aides, the food, the room, etc.

Mom is in a very hard time of life. She cannot count to five so she cannot crochet or knit or craft. Her brain does not connect her hands to her thoughts anymore. But her brain is telling her that she is strong, untouched by her age of 93, and she is ready to live in a travel trailer behind my house. Or she is going to move in with my 73 year old brother and take care of him.

Mom was never a house keeper, never a home loving person. Our home was just a storage unit for her many crafts and her social clubs.  We always took care of ourselves at home so that she could join another club. I started keeping our home at the age of 8. Only because I was hungry, needed clean clothes and couldn't live with the dust bunnies.

Mom loved us, we know that. But she was not happy at home. Age has placed her into a small world where she is safe and watched but her will which is very strong is telling her she doesn't belong there. She hates everyone and every food, meal, snack, bed changing, etc. And she only has me to tell.  All of our other family members including 20+ grand kids, too many cousins to count. None of them have ever liked my Mom and they never ask about her let alone go and see her.

She never missed a church meeting or event and served many positions on the church council and tithed for over 40 years. But no one from the church comes to see her. I quit allowing her tithing payments to be taken out of her checking just recently.  

She even hates their daily Bingo games. She tells me it is because they are now bring in early children to assist the elders with their Bingo cards. Mom hates kids. Mom wins a lot but they are not giving prizes so she is not going anymore. And I hear about it everyday. Her words are "why should I go, there is nothing there for me, I don't get anything so there is no incentive". These Bingo volunteers are awesome, the others enjoy having children to help. Mom does not.

I just bought her $80 in romance novels that she loves. She read them all, total of 8, in one week then she was done with them and wanted more.

I am preparing her meals for her because she hates their food and complains so much. At one point a cook quit because Mom was impossible to please about her breakfast. He came in her room many times and tried to please her. She wouldn't even be nice to him.

Yesterday I spent $80 on ingredients, then stood in my kitchen for 6 hours cooking and slicing food that she would eat. My biggest problem is packaging. Everything, every snack, lunch, breakfast, and dinner must be in disposable containers. Every piece of food must be sliced to fit on a spoon, she only eats certain foods, hates chicken, and refuses to eat beef.  I have to be pretty creative sometimes.

Well, thank you for listening. I need to get my attitude back to feeling blessed and grateful.  Today I will have to do the work to get there again. But I can and will do the work.

Then I will take Mom her meals, her books, her favorite hot cappuccino from the local store, a crueler donut if they have one and a hot slice of pizza. I will clean her room, haul out 2 bags of trash. Mom collects everything from straws, to pill cups, to napkins and etc because she is saving them for craft days with her girl friends. 

I love my Mom. 

The wind is blowing hard and gusty and we are expecting torrential rain any minute. I am excited about spring coming!

Again, thank you for listening. Now on to better thoughts.

~jackiesee~

Let's Party - Happy Homemaker Monday

Welcome, come on inside my world for a bit. 

This is a new to me blog and I plan to visit and post random thoughts, photos, recipes and whatever I feel along my journey. Come on along and stay for a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll fresh from the oven. I have been visiting your blogs for several years and I enjoy every single one of them!

 ~jackiesee~

I am joining Sandra over at Diary of a Stay at Home Mom Blog for her Monday Series

HAPPY HOMEMAKER MONDAY

and following her prompts posted on her Happy Homemaker posts.

However, I am not an early morning person,

so I am writing my post sitting here on a late  Sunday Night

while I journal, recover and rest.

The Weather:

Typical for February here in the Ozarks.  Tonight we have spotty rain. Again we find ourselves on the edge of a rain storm which is typical for our part of the Ozarks. 

It might rain, it might not, it might rain a little, it might not.

As I look outside my window:

It is 62°, strong winds blowing from the south making our flags stand straight out, and the pond is white capping. I love looking out my dining room window and watching the reflections of the security lights and moon across the water.  The three flag poles are especially pretty at night.

Right now I am:

I am in full healing and maintaining mode. I had a terrible night, preceded by horrible days. Standing up rocking back and forth on m feet. My body frozen with my muscles and tendons locked so bad I could not swallow or comfortably breathe. At two different times I thought about the emergency room. But I hung in there and about 6 am I could lay down and finally swallow and breathe enough to not tingle everywhere. My oxygen level stayed at 99% so I knew I was getting air but my chest and airway were so dry and stiff I felt like I was choking.  I thank Jesus, Mother Mary, and God for giving me the mental strength to not panic and for bringing me healing. I know that I WILL have a better day tomorrow. Fibromyalgia sucks. Period.

Thinking and pondering:

How our lives have changed since our daughter died in June. Not just the loss but the physical changes that have greatly effected us.  Some say it was the covid virus, the vaccines, the dirty air, etc.  But both myself and my husband have had a big change in our stamina, sleep, appetite, patience, and ambition.

On my bedside table:

I am sitting at my dining room table looking out my windows hoping for some rain from a storm very close by. My table has been turned into my desk, with two plants seeking more sunshine, puffs with lotion, pepto-bismol tablets, my journal and a macrame plant hanger that I cannot decide where to hang.  My night stand only has a lamp, tissues, and a bottle of water.

On my TV today:

I watch very little television. I do try to catch a press conference, speech, or something to our security. I hate politics, paid political opinions, and think that the networks have pushed too much sexual content for a long time.  I wish I could get into watching Vlogs but after 40 years as a clerical support person I find staring at computer screen very boring.  I do however sometimes listen to cooking you tube videos and music concerts on my beats headphones.

Listening to:

Nothing but ringing in my ears since this fibro flare started. Annoying. Tomorrow will be better, I know.

On the lunch plate:

toast earlier

On the dinner plate:

I can't plan my weeks meals by day. I use to when we worked and had a regular schedule. But being semi-retired and old, we now eat whenever we close out our outside day and come together in the late afternoon or evening. I deal with nausea, so some days I cook when I can and what I can and just put it in the fridge to be eaten whenever. I also cook for my Mom who is in a nursing home and needs her foods fixed her way.

Yesterday I made, for the first time, short ribs from our beef we bought last fall.  I hated to throw any part of the beef away so I had them cut it all up.  I followed Paula Deens process but used my own spices. The broth was delicious and the carrots were beyond good.  However, we found the short ribs very greasy, fatty, and a lot to dig though to find the beef.  We ate a few. Then I ended up cleaning and chopping only to find a small amount of beef meat. I decided next recipe I will try making a bone broth from the cooking process. Then i will strain the liquids, chill it and remove the fat then use it for a soup.

On the dinner menu this week:

If we go out:

Gebhardts Fried Chicken on Monday (dinner out) Afterall it is Noodle Monday!!!!

Papas Pizza $10.99 on Tuesday

Meat: 

Steak Sirloin, shrimp; bacon, tuna, pork chops, beef tips, lean ground beef (spaghetti?)

Main dish ideas:

Spaghetti, onion bombs, marinated steak, grilled shrimp or shrimp scampi, pork chops grilled with grilled vegetables, beef tips in gravy

Sides: 

macaroni and cheese with bacon, zucchini, beets, green beans and new potatoes, onion rings, roasted mini peppers, cucumbers in vinegar or with italian dressing or pasta salad without pasta, apples, hoping for strawberries pork chops?

Homemade hot rolls for the beef tips?

Skillet Corn Bread for

Appetizers or Brunch:

Lil Smokies with bacon and bbq sauce

ham, turkey and cheese roll ups

potato skins with cheese, bacon, onion

I want to make some skillet bread, a recipe I got from a blog friend - A Pioneer Womam at Heart.

I need to make another chocolate cake for my brother, and another for my mom and us.

I have home made pie dough in the freezer so maybe try my hand at handpies?

On my reading pile:

Recipe blogs, Pinterest, having a hard time wearing my glasses for long.

On my to-do list:

Play with  this new blog

Take Mom her deliveries and food

Take more photos

Cook more stuff I enjoy making

Bake more stuff I enjoy baking

Slow down, the world is moving so fast

Try to enjoy my camera

Plans for the week:

None.  My brothers birthday is in a few days. He wants no party, no dinner out, no company. We already gave him a Bday present, a KC chiefs Super Bowl shirt and a yetti mug. I will bake him a chocolate cake and take it him and then come home.

What I am creating:

Plants, I love my plants.  I recently found some very small bottle with twist lids and used them to hold small plant cuttings.  I have zip loc bags and bags and more bags of my Mom's jewelry. It is a lot of inexpensive, mostly Avon, costume stuff that has knots, needs to be cleaned, and anything made with floss, cord or string is snapping and beads and charms are everywhere.  I have been trying to come up with an idea to use them. So I dropped some beads, dangles, and charms into a very small glass bottle with a twist lid. I set them on the window sills and they were pretty. I have so many trimmings off my plants that I removed the lids and added spider plant babies and english ivy babies. I love them.

My simple pleasures:

Feeling good, having energy, being able to concentrate.  I try hard overcome a lot to reach these goals. Soft clothes, beat sound blocking headphones with music, soft blankets. 

Looking around the house:

Not sure. I have only a few soft lights on, on purpose, until I feel better, thehubs is in charge. Pray for him, please.

From the Camera:

Bible Verse - Devotional:

NOTE: Happy Monday morning!  We had no damage from the winds last night and no rain either.  The wind is blowing and it is 62℉ with sunshine. I am staying inside today, resting.  Thank you for joining the party!